Celebrating the Life After
What is the right thing to say to someone who has lost a loved one?
This is a very difficult question to answer. A question that emerges everytime I speak to a bereaved family member. In the past I have either chosen words like "Stay Strong", or silence or gestures like hug, holding one's hand tight or patting one's back depending on my intimacy with the concerned person. This time I was on the receiving end, observing and listening to different people who were offering their condolences in varied ways. I am not any wiser on what is the right or wrong way to convey condolences; but I now have a sense of what can sound comforting to someone who lost a loved one.
In every culture there is a certain mourning period characterized by rituals and practices meant to express and overcome one's grief and to provide peace. There could be no normal way to grieve, it all depends on each person and on how they cope and overcome grief or choose to live with the grief. In my opinion this should gradually culminate in celebrating the life of the person who left. This can be possible only if people around share pleasant memories of the departed one and light hearted moments that will enable the bereaved to recall and cherish the personality and the legacy they left behind.
Life and death are inevitable, the timing is uncontrollable and subsequent discussions on the circumstances and how it could have been avoided are void dialogues that offer no consolation or solace. We may not be able to see or hear the loved ones who left us, but their memories are etched in our minds and we should learn to hold on to these memories, feel their absence and move on in life.
On this occasion, I am holding on to my memories - everytime I hear the word Alexa, or open Gpay or when I hear a missed call on WhatsApp, I miss the constant reminders and incomplete requests. We will always miss the soul that was disciplined and organised beyond imagination, and wanted to embrace new technology, travel wildly and constantly stay connected to loved ones.
This is a very difficult question to answer. A question that emerges everytime I speak to a bereaved family member. In the past I have either chosen words like "Stay Strong", or silence or gestures like hug, holding one's hand tight or patting one's back depending on my intimacy with the concerned person. This time I was on the receiving end, observing and listening to different people who were offering their condolences in varied ways. I am not any wiser on what is the right or wrong way to convey condolences; but I now have a sense of what can sound comforting to someone who lost a loved one.
In every culture there is a certain mourning period characterized by rituals and practices meant to express and overcome one's grief and to provide peace. There could be no normal way to grieve, it all depends on each person and on how they cope and overcome grief or choose to live with the grief. In my opinion this should gradually culminate in celebrating the life of the person who left. This can be possible only if people around share pleasant memories of the departed one and light hearted moments that will enable the bereaved to recall and cherish the personality and the legacy they left behind.
Life and death are inevitable, the timing is uncontrollable and subsequent discussions on the circumstances and how it could have been avoided are void dialogues that offer no consolation or solace. We may not be able to see or hear the loved ones who left us, but their memories are etched in our minds and we should learn to hold on to these memories, feel their absence and move on in life.
On this occasion, I am holding on to my memories - everytime I hear the word Alexa, or open Gpay or when I hear a missed call on WhatsApp, I miss the constant reminders and incomplete requests. We will always miss the soul that was disciplined and organised beyond imagination, and wanted to embrace new technology, travel wildly and constantly stay connected to loved ones.
Beautifully written... there is no replacement and most if the times it feels like wish we could do this together, and if there are remorse then the statements would be like wish he /she understood what it meant or felt...there is no end to feelings even after years of departure.
ReplyDeleteTrue words.
ReplyDeleteCompletely agree. Cherishing their memories is the way we can carry their legacy forward.
ReplyDelete